Longing for Acceptance

Into the Wilderness: Story 23

By Catina

Humans are pack animals. We want to be accepted into a pack at all times, because we are animals with animalistic instincts. The reason why everyone wants a family is because that is a pack that they will be a part of. Friends are a pack you WANT to be a part of, but family is something you NEED to be a part of.

Many people long for acceptance and find it in terrible ways. I know how easy it is to get the attention you want, but it’s never the attention you deserve. It’s much easier to find and get negative attention than positive attention. People have a hard time trusting, so when you are trying to get positive attention you have to work harder to gain that attention.

I can use my own example. I used to smoke and not try to hide it because any attention was good. I wanted someone to find out what I was doing and that did happen. It was one of the attention-getting actions that led me to 3 months of wilderness therapy and 1 year and 5 months RTC.

This is my advice to get help:

Whether you’re a mom or a grandma or just a regular adult, try to recognize this pattern in your child and try not to feed their desire for attention from negative behavior.

Schedule an immediate therapy session. If your child isn’t already in therapy, then put them in therapy. They are asking for help. I know because I was.

Talk to someone who can get help or treatment. There are guidance counselors, educational consultants, youth organizations who could help.

Send them to wilderness. I sure as hell hated the fact that I was sent to treatment and certainly treatment isn’t the only option, but I wouldn’t have gotten better without it.

Try to give your teen the very thing they hate. For me, that was talking about it. I could ignore what I was doing if I didn’t have to talk about it. For others, it’s not being allowed to be alone. They may think it’s privacy invasion, which it kind of is, but they can’t get away with it if they are supervised.

The fact of the matter is that without help it’s never going to go away. Everyone wants some type of attention, and the ones who seek negative attention get stuck.

One other point. Not all attention is bad. I would like for everyone not to be ashamed about wanting to get attention. Sometimes it’s a way to be seen or heard or to be accepted. Every human needs attention and THAT IS NOT A BAD THING. Our society has turned minor things into big things, so then people are afraid to reach out or talk to people out of fear of being called an “attention whore” when in reality it’s not that big of a deal if you want more attention than the average person. The key is to know when the attention is good and healthy- a normal part of being human- and when it is a negative and signaling the need for help.