Something a little lighter for a change.
I’m taking a break from my usual blogs about politics, corruption, greed and the general decline of civilization to discuss something far more important: sea pickles.
I just learned that the sea pickle is more closely related to humans than to sea cucumbers! Really! Don’t believe me? Watch this.
After giving this startling scientific revelation more thought than it probably deserves, I’ve identified four characteristics we share with our distant, gelatinous relatives.
1. They just lie around and float in the ocean. Like most Americans!
As a former fitness studio owner, I can tell you that most people would rather clean toilets, pay bills or undergo a root canal than get off the couch and exercise.
Never mind that physical activity improves longevity, strengthens our brains, reduces stress and releases those wonderful feel-good chemicals called endorphins. Just 20 minutes of quality exertion can make you feel better, and about 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week can deliver substantial health benefits.
But why bother when there’s Netflix, a comfortable couch and an entire bag of potato chips calling your name?
The sea pickle, at least, has an excuse. It doesn’t have legs.
2. They don’t talk. Obviously.
Over the last decade, too many Americans have floated along in Trump’s flotsam and said nothing. Nothing.
Meanwhile, one of my daughters fears for my life because of the blogs I’ve pushed out. Apparently, having an opinion in America has become a dangerous hobby.
But with the recent midterm victories, perhaps we’ve finally gotten the message: Speak up! Speak out! Say something! If only to save ourselves.
Even sea pickles occasionally light up when disturbed. Maybe Americans should, too.
3. They look strangely phallic.
Which shows that nature and humans have a dirty mind.
’Nuf said.
4. They are more complex than they look. Like most of us.
We think we know people by how they look, what they wear, where they live or how they vote. But we don’t. We have no idea what trauma, pain, hardship or hardscrabble lives people are living with.
That grumpy neighbor? Maybe he’s lonely. The rude cashier? Maybe she’s working three jobs. The person who seems to have everything? Maybe they’re barely holding it together.
We are all more complicated than our outward appearances suggest. Even the sea pickle, which, despite looking like an inflatable pool toy, is a surprisingly sophisticated living organism.
So what’s the moral of this ridiculous story?
Get off the couch. Speak your mind. Don’t judge people by their appearance. And remember that we’re all just trying to stay afloat in a pretty turbulent ocean.
And if someone calls you a sea pickle, don’t be offended. You’re in good company.
I would love to hear from you, even if, especially if, you disagree. Perhaps we can bring back the American tradition of debate. Please like and share this blog with others. Subscribe to receive it by email and go directly to the Walk the Moon website (www.walk-the-moon.com) to peruse the full collection of articles and updates. You can email me from the Walk the Moon website as well.
