When your workplace sucks

A Surviving Facts Blog

We’ve all been in jobs we would love if the people we worked with or the company leadership weren’t so awful. You may be unable to trust anyone because the atmosphere is unnecessarily competitive and toxic. Your company may apply values and policies inconsistently. Your manager may be unqualified, lacking the years of direct experience you have. The HR department may not address issues due to various biases. I could go on, but the point is: work isn’t always fun, fulfilling or supportive. It’s not easy to get through situations like these. Unless you find a new job right away, you can feel stuck, frustrated and angry. How to survive?

I’ve been in situations like these, so I have a few forged-in-fire learnings to share. Here goes…

1. Focus on your job. If you love the work, but not the people or company, put your effort into what you enjoy. Commit to excellence in your work and deliver. Relationships are important at work, but if that’s not an option, perform at the highest level until you find a new job. I always told my staff, “if your project does well, you’ll do well.” The same principle applies in this situation. Make your project or work responsibility great, and you’ll (almost) forget the chaos around you.
2. If you are a team leader or people manager, hire people you like. Then build your own island surrounded with great colleagues and fulfilling work. While this won’t isolate you from the icky company parts, it will offset, and perhaps minimize, them. This also gives you a support network.
3. Following on #2, make sure your team performs. Focus on resolving issues so your team can operate smoothly. Make sure the team delivers any results expected of them.
4. Volunteer for big and exciting projects. If you’ve done excellent work as noted in #1, then you have a good chance of being selected. This not only makes your job more tolerable, but it also builds your resume.
5. Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. High performers who remain quiet or in the background can be overlooked in favor of lower performing pets. Don’t brag. But do find ways to share your accomplishments. One way to do this is to share a success for the company. For example, let’s say your team first applied an AI program that reduced production expense and improved production times. You can share in an email or a meeting: “I’m so excited to share that my team saved X amount by doing X. This benefits the company in X ways. We are really encouraged by playing a strong role in the company’s success this year!” The point is to frame what you and your team are doing as a company success- which it is!
6. Learn to play the necessary “game” without violating your own ethics. Whether you like it or not, every company has a “game” you have to play. For example, you may work in a company that rewards people who speak up in meetings. This often results in meaningless drivel from the show offs (though, interestingly enough, company leaders are often impressed by them). If this is the game, prepare for the meeting, stay tuned in and identify a moment when you can add value. You don’t have to do this in every meeting, but you do need to do it enough to be considered a team player or a contributor. You also want this to be remembered at salary increase time.
7. Show up when necessary. If your workplace requires you to be in an office, then get into the office. This goes to playing the necessary game. If face-time matters, then do it. You can make it through 8-9 hours in a day by doing #1, 2, 3 and 4.
8. Take care of yourself. Working in a toxic environment takes a toll. If working out helps relieve stress, then make sure you don’t let the stress derail you from exercising. Be careful, however, about negative coping mechanisms such as alcohol or weed. These can hurt your performance, add to your stress and make you sick.
9. Build your emotional intelligence. You want to learn how to listen, manage your emotions and respond appropriately and unemotionally to difficult situations. One rule is to pause and silently count out 10 seconds before responding. This is just enough time to prevent yourself from saying something you may regret.
10. If you do mess up, apologize. We are all human and will make mistakes. When you do apologize, do so in effective ways that do not undercut the issue you were trying to raise. Use the phrase, “I regret…” because it targets a specific issue. For example, rather than “I’m sorry,” say, “I regret I was upset about X and didn’t express myself as I would have liked.” Then, carefully choose your words to turn your gaff into a constructive conversation. Show your EQ by expressing what you’ve learned. This approach may heal the situation and prevent any blow back. Your company can use these situations against you so you need to balance between the company’s negative actions and your response.
11. Don’t stay silent. If you see the inconsistent application of policies or unfairness across demographics, politely and factually document this with your manager and/or Human Resources. When documenting, make sure you do so in writing and then keep a hard copy for yourself. You may also meet with the appropriate parties, but you should then follow up with an email summarizing the discussion. Create a hard file called “documentation” and then fill it up. While the current US government administration is eroding many rights, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 still exists, and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is still responsible for addressing violations. But you have to remain level-headed and document.
12. If you are treated differently for raising issues that are protected by the law, then you are experiencing retaliation. Be sure to protect yourself through multiple forms of documentation. For example, you can have a meeting and say in the meeting, “I am going to take notes.” After the meeting, send a follow up email summarizing the discussion. Keep hard copies of everything. Some states allow recording without asking for permission. These are single permission states and you can give yourself permission to record without asking the other person if they are ok with it. If your company is engaging in discriminatory practices, you need as much documentation as possible. If you are fired for raising discrimination issues, you have the documentation necessary to file an EEOC complaint or to negotiate a package.
13. Remember HR isn’t your advocate. It is the company’s advocate. That’s their job, actually- to protect the company. Be careful how you interact with them and watch what you say. Also watch for signs. If your HR representative stops meeting with you after meeting regularly for months or years, you’re probably out soon.
14. Build strong work relationships with positive people. Surrounding yourself with positive colleagues who are driving change will inspire you and provide a network to share ideas, gain support and provide advice. Be careful, however, to prevent the relationship from becoming a vent session. Also, remember that work friends aren’t always lasting friends. In competitive and toxic environments, people can turn quickly.
15. I made this point above- but I’ll say it again- be your own best advocate. Toxic environments are like viruses. It spreads across a company, taking everyone down, even those you think are the good people. When people are in survival mode, they will not be their best selves. Their amygdala is in overdrive pumping cortisol into their system. Cortisol is a stress hormone and it increases emotions and reactivity. If you know you’re in fight, flight, or freeze, so what you can to reset yourself. Take a day or afternoon off, get extra sleep, engage in positive soothing behaviors such as exercise, family time or having lunch with a friend.

Ultimately, your goal is to move on. Develop a disciplined job search. For example, every week send out at least two resumes, contact a few of your current contacts in your network and spend some time building new contacts. Practice answering interview questions. Read articles on interviewing pitfalls. Your goal is to keep the job search moving. A body in motion stays in motion- that’s Isaac Newton. So keep things moving. It’s easier to get a job when you already have one.

At the same time, set up your personal life for a sudden change. Reduce your spending. Downgrade or cancel subscriptions, stop eating out, don’t mindlessly shop as a self-soothing mechanism. With all these reductions, you’ll be able to save more money. Having a cushion in case the worst happens provides enormous freedom and reduces fear.

I wish we all could avoid toxic work environments. Unfortunately, they seem to be prevalent these days. A complex, tangled web of issues leads to toxicity, so it’s usually a systemic company problem. I hope a few of my recommendations will help you thrive through and survive in such a situation. I’d love to hear your toxic work stories, so please send them through the comment feature on the Walk the Moon website.

I would love to hear from you, even if, especially if, you disagree. Perhaps we can bring back the American tradition of debate.

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