A Surviving Facts Blog
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was considered an “old” mother. I was 39. Because of my age, doctors pushed me to get an amniocentesis. I had had several miscarriages, one of them in the second trimester, so I was particularly protective of a pregnancy that had lasted 4 months. The amniocentesis was necessary to rule out birth defects. I had miscarried a fetus with Turner Syndrome- when one of the female fetus’ X chromosomes is either wholly or partially missing- so doctor’s were eager to rule out the risk of another pregnancy with defects.
I refused the amniocentesis. Today, I may not have done so, but this was 23 years ago. In deciding not to have this procedure, I also made another decision: I accepted the risk of a child with defects- whether it was Turner, Downs, or some other issue. This was a huge decision- I knew that. I also knew that this child growing inside me was special, and I would love him/her no matter the outcome, and I would accept and manage whatever came.
I also had decided I would never have an abortion. This was a personal decision based on my own beliefs. I did not and do not consider the medical care required after my previous miscarriages to be an abortion. In each of those, I required a D&C, for which I am so grateful. I can’t imagine allowing a dead fetus to rot inside me. Pregnancy loss is traumatic enough without a physical risk completely preventable with modern medicine.
Even though I personally have made these decisions, I do not expect other women to decide as I did. Nor do I judge women who make a decision different from my own. I am pro-choice.
Here’s why:
I am a white woman of privilege. Although my then husband and I lived paycheck to paycheck- barely- we still had access to healthcare. I had the education, understanding of and access to options. Not all women have this. They may live in rural or urban areas with limited options. They also may be one of the millions of working poor who do not have healthcare- I’ve covered this in another blog. Until all women have access to affordable healthcare, I remain pro-choice. Healthcare is a right not a privilege. (By the way- we actually incur more medical cost and burden the system more by not offering universal healthcare. Look it up- using reputable economic sources!)
While I was barely middle class at this time, I still had income. If I had had a disabled child, money would have been tighter than it already was. Many women live in poverty and cannot manage such a burden. Having another child would lead to unimaginable hardship on themselves personally and on their families. They would have to work , but they wouldn’t make enough money for childcare. It’s an impossible situation. What do you choose? Work 3 jobs a week and never see your children or stay home and depend on government financial assistance?
In addition, many moms living in rural areas have few employment choices. Many manufacturing or coal-mining towns are nearly abandoned. What’s left is drug trade and abuse, poverty and government assistance. Bringing another child into such a situation risks all kinds of problems- domestic and child abuse, mental illness, deepening poverty, etc.
For those who do work, they do not have affordable childcare in the US. When my daughters were in daycare, the expenses equaled our mortgage. After paying bills- and we lived a basic life- I sometimes had less than $20 in my checking account. This was the case with two working parents. If one of us had stayed home, we would not have saved enough to cover expenses, especially as the girls grew older and their special needs became apparent.
Some see adoption as an option for mothers in the situations I’ve described. But let’s look at the numbers. Overall, children in foster care make up 37% of all adoptions in the US. In 2022, 108,000 children were in foster care. Only 15% were adopted (including adoption from family or foster care parents). Another 30% of children in foster care were awaiting adoption. Annually, around 11% of children in the system are emancipated- meaning they reach 18 and are never adopted. On average, foster care children wait 2 years for adoption. With so many children needing homes- and not finding them- bringing more children into this system makes little sense.
Of course, private and international adoption exist. Both have their issues. International adoptions can result in placing severely neglected children needing enormous support; even still, international adoption makes up 25% of all adoptions.
Among adoptions overall, 38% are private adoptions, just slightly higher than foster care adoption. Interestingly, half of all private adoptions are done by stepparents- so they come from merged families and not from couples seeking a child. All but 5% of private adoptions are open adoptions (not from surrogacy), and 62% are placed as newborns or before 1 month. Overwhelmingly, children in private adoptions are white. Private adoption is expensive, ranging in cost from $25,000 to $60,000. And yet, all children in private adoptions are adopted- 100%.
So let’s draw some conclusions. Almost 5 million children in the US have been adopted. Children, overwhelmingly white infants, in the private system are 100% adopted. However, out of the total number of adoptable children, numerous children do not find homes. These children come from foster care, which is about equally white (43%) and Black or Hispanic (combined 44%), and the children are mostly older than infancy. Why are these children not being adopted? Many adoptive parents prefer newborns. I’m sure that influences the 100% private adoption rate. But could it also be that some white Americans do not want Brown or Black children? The numbers certainly imply this, and we know racism is shockingly high in the US.
Circling back to my original thesis- why I’m pro choice- is access to medical treatment. Not providing medical treatment to women at any stage of pregnancy is appalling. Not providing sound medical treatment when women have miscarried or have non-viable fetuses is horrifically cruel. Texas has some of the toughest anti-abortion laws in the country. Since enacting this legislation in 2021, pregnancy-related deaths have soared. In fact, maternal deaths increased 56%, compared to 11% across the nation overall. How is this acceptable? To let so many women suffer- when the medical treatments can prevent this- is like an emergency room doctor refusing to treat a wound or resuscitate a patient. Sepsis rates in second trimester pregnancy loss increased more than 50%! Have you had sepsis? I have (not due to pregnancy). It’s horribly painful and hugely risky- I was in the ICU for days. Only after I was moved out of ICU did the nurse tell me how worried she had been my first two days. She didn’t leave my bedside for her entire shift.
At the same time- and I bet Texas didn’t expect this- infant deaths also have increased. Year over year (2021 to 2022), the infant mortality rate increased by 12.5% and has continued to increase. Many of these deaths are due to congenital defects. Neonatal deaths (before 28 weeks) have increased as well.
Simply put, anti abortion laws are not working. More women die. More infants die. More fetuses die. Similar patterns exist in the other states with harsh anti-abortion laws.
This is why I am pro choice.
I believe in caring for women and children through systems already available in the US- healthcare, medical treatments. If we want women to have more babies, then create a system supporting such a goal. Child care subsidies or tax breaks would be an enormous boost.
I believe all children- not just white infants- in the adoption system deserve to find homes. Since this problem hasn’t been solved, we should solve it before burdening an already burdened system.
I believe in women living through pregnancy and childbirth and viable infants thriving. Statistics already show this isn’t happening. And even more, that deaths have and are increasing.
Help me understand then why women in many states don’t have choice. Help me understand why a national abortion law is being considered. Choice results in better outcomes for mothers and infants- and by extension, for men. Choice is common sense.
I can only attribute the push for a system that DOES NOT WORK on misogyny. Men with these beliefs don’t want women or babies to live longer. They want women to be controlled and limited so that men- primarily white men- can be more privileged than they already are. They want to prevent women from higher education (it stimulates the anterior cingulate cortex, which tends to make a person more liberal in their thinking- see my blog on FAFO). They want to roll back the 19th Amendment. The SAFE Act is already proposed. If enacted, women’s voting numbers will be decimated. All of this comes from the playbook called Project 2025.
I’ll have to write another blog on how white women could allow this to happen- and it IS white women who made this happen. A whopping 60+% voted for Trump. There’s plenty of evidence on men’s declining education and employment rates to explain why they have allowed it- and that’s a future blog too.
Before the 2024 election, I had a man explain to me his anti-abortion stance. I was saying that I couldn’t support a party that didn’t put human rights first. I supported human rights for women, LGBTQ+, people with disabilities and more. Human rights was the most important issue for me in last year’s election. It surpassed the economy, and it surpassed abortion. His response: “surely you don’t support a few sex changes over babies dying.” Well, actually, his vote has increased infant deaths rather than preventing them. Turns out, my support of human rights would have helped more people live. This is why my own personal beliefs should not be pushed on other women. I made my decisions- and would have lived with the consequences. Let other women do the same.
I would love to hear from you, even if, especially if, you disagree. Perhaps we can bring back the American tradition era of debate. Please like and share this blog with others. Subscribe to receive it by email and go directly to the Walk the Moon website to peruse the full collection of articles and updates. You can email me from the Walk the Moon website as well.
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