What are we really celebrating on Valentine’s Day?

A Surviving Facts Blog

I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Not because I don’t have love. I have a most wonderful husband and family, and I’m surrounded by people who care for and support me. I’m not a fan because it’s so manufactured, so “cheesy,” as a friend of mine would say.

For years while traveling for business, I’d spend Valentine’s Day with a colleague/good friend. We always did something special- saw a movie, ate a good meal, talked about our spouses we weren’t with. This year, I’m home and planning a nice dinner for the family. Food is usually my love language.

But since it is Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share some history on this holiday.

As some of you know, I started my career in academia. I taught college English but my specialty was Middle English language and literature. For those of you needing more specificity, that’s the time of The Canterbury Tales, around 1400. The story is about 30 travelers- 2 nuns, a parson, a knight, a Miller, a shipman, the Wife of Bath, and others- going on a religious pilgrimage to Canterbury Cathedral to visit the shrine of Saint Thomas Becket, murdered in 1170. Along the way, each pilgrim, as they are called, tells a story in a competition to identify the best one. Spoiler alert: there’s no winner. It’s a bunch of religious, romantic, bawdy stories providing insight into the times. They are worth reading even today, though you may need a translated version since Middle English is not similar to today’s English.

What is the connection with Valentine’s Day? The Day actually originated hundreds of years ago, in Roman times. It honored martyr Saint Valentine, persecuted for performing various miraculous feats for Christians during the Roman Empire. That’s the gory part.

In the 14th-15th centuries, the story took on romantic tones. Why? Because the date coincided with pagan festivals for Pan and Juno, pagan gods of love, marriage and fertility. Like many holidays, it began with pagan roots.

Chaucer was the first to write about Valentine’s day in romantic tones. During his time, a concept called courtly love was all the rage. Courtly love embodied the wooing of an idealized female with an idealized male- usually a chaste virgin and a knight. The concept was wrought with ritual and rapture. The knight wooed the virgin bringing gifts of flowers and songs, engaging in feasts and jousting competitions to attract the ladies and feasting and dancing. Courtly love is the root of the romantic concepts still around today.

So, it’s not a new concept.

As the day has become more commercialized, its courtly roots have been lost somewhat and it has become less about performing to gain love and more about gifting to gain- and express- love.

The part of Valentine’s Day we should bring back is the non-material expression of love. Flowers, candy, jewelry- they are nice, of course. But nothing expresses love as much as a kind act, support when needed, friendship, care. And not just on one day a year, but all the time, consistently. Love isn’t material. Love is an action committed over and over.

So, go ahead and get the card, the roses and heart-shaped box of chocolates. But remember, you’re really celebrating pagan festivals, the death of a martyr named Valentine, and a literary tradition of love-bombing. If that doesn’t put this day into perspective, I’m not sure what else could!

Enjoy!