Raising Autism
I didn’t watch the festivities for Trump’s inauguration, but then, other than the swearing in, I have rarely watched inaugurations end to end. Nor have I monitored Trump’s initial flurry of executive orders. I’ve had other things on my mind.
Adult children with autism.
As my girls have grown, their autism has manifested in different ways. The sensitivities were there, the rigidities, the intolerance of even the smallest transitions. While my older daughter has seemed to evolve to an easier stage on her spectrum, my younger daughter is becoming, for lack of a better word, more obviously autistic.
I only yesterday found a study (European Autistic Project, Julian Tillman et.al. 2019). that discusses this phenomenon. Autism doesn’t necessarily ease or become more neurotypical as a person grows older. Instead, the autism manifestations can become more pronounced. This seems to be where we are at the moment.
It’s a bag of snakes. Her intelligence is a finely honed sword, the mind blade so sharp she could cut ice with a minor swing. It’s living with a person continually in hyper analytical mode. She parses every word, phrase, sentence. When Aristotle spoke about induction as method of reasoning, he focused on specific observations that collectively lead to broader generalizations. Imagine then, that every word, every tone, every gesture can fall into this process. This is my experience of living with an autistic child moving into adulthood. She also has moments of depression during which she turns this unrelenting analysis on herself. Putting one’s self under such scrutiny is horribly, figuratively mutilating, and we suffer it with her. She switches between these two extremes: outwardly and inwardly focused logical warfare.
The nineteen-year-old brain is still developing. Our brains aren’t “baked” until later in our 20s, and even then, science now knows that our brains are infinitely malleable- known as neuroplasticity. Contrary to what many of us Gen. Xers and Boomers were told while growing up, IQ isn’t consistent from birth. Nor is our personality, our conflict resolution or our ability to change. Like every atom in the universe, we are continually fluxing, not rooted in time and space, except by our own conception.
Today, on a walk with our dogs, my daughter and I debated what I meant when I said I’d do whatever she wanted to do. We live on a mountain with a 2 mile climb from bottom to top. We are situated halfway up, so chugging a mile up the incline is no easy task. Halfway up the mountain, snow began falling. I mentioned the chill, and she volunteered to turn around. She said she’d prefer to turn around, unless I wanted to walk more. I said, “let’s go a bit further.” That’s when the inductive assessment began.
In case you don’t what inductive reasoning is, it works like this: Because of X and Y (as factual observations), then we can claim Z. Example, admittedly over simplified: when Mary eats an apple, she breaks out in a rash. This rash itches and causes labored breathing. Therefore, we can conclude that Mary is highly likely to be allergic to apples. It’s evidence plus evidence equals conclusion.
A lot of people misuse this kind of reasoning by applying unconfirmed correlation or over generalizations. Example: I’ve met 10 people from Oklahoma who are Trump supporters. A lot of people in Oklahoma support Trump. Therefore, everyone living in Oklahoma is a Trump supporter.
That’s not what happened with my daughter. Her question was: if I said I wanted to go back home, and you said you’d do what I wanted to do, then why did we continue going up the mountain?
She’s not wrong. Many nuances emerge. She acquiesced to continuing up the mountain. I had an entire logical construct in my head I didn’t express. My thought went like this: we’ve only gone halfway up the mountain; our dogs need to go all the way up to get adequate exercise; therefore, we need to continue the incline. The problem: I didn’t vocalize this.
What happened with my daughter’s autistic brain is entanglement: it became entangled in analysis, almost like a tape on a loop. Without key details I failed to provide, her brain sought logical connections.
This is my theory.
The study I referenced above looked at adaptive functioning in autistic adults. Adaptive functioning, simply put, is the ability to manage every day life- take out the trash, maintain hygiene, drive. It found that the higher an autistic adult’s IQ, the greater the gap between their IQ and adaptive functioning. In other words, adaptive functioning isn’t at the level expected from IQ score alone. Even more, this gap widened with age.
I suspect that the greatest discoveries of the last 150 to 200 years came from autistic brains. Einstein was unable to speak full sentences until he was 5. Delayed speech of this kind is now called Einstein syndrome. Isaac Newton is believed to have displayed behaviors now known to be consistent with autism. Those in science or STEM fields are more likely to have systems thinking- the kind of interconnected, webbed thinking that sees relationships where others do not.
But did these geniuses decline with age? Some evidence suggests that Einstein did. He was unable to maintain relationships with his wife and children. He suffered from debilitating depression and needed help with daily living. Einstein lived almost completely in his mathematical and theoretical mind unable to manage day-to-day functions.
I’m not saying my daughter is an Einstein. They share autistic minds as well as singular focus on certain topics. Nor am I saying that my daughter is experiencing any adaptive decline- the study explains this comes later in adulthood. I am, however, surmising that the inherent logical reasoning typical of her autism slowed her ability to adaptively respond to gaps in conversation that neurotypicals automatically- and often wrongly- fill. Rather than guess an inductive leap I made and didn’t share, she remained with the logic of the original conversation.
This is why, IMHO, autistics are able to stick with a specific theoretical, philosophical or mathematical thought for so long. They will chase the logical threading to the end. This is why we need ASD individuals: they solve the hardest questions and issues of our times- if we let them. Our fiercely neurotypical culture embraces extremely narrow, prescribed definitions and doesn’t seek the dissection and inquiry autistic’s offer.
I admit it can be tedious. It can feel as if raising an autistic young adult is like continually sparring in a martial arts ring. The moves are quick, the force is strong, and you’re in the game circle until one of you slap the mat for mercy. I’m always the one slapping the mat, and I’m not 100% convinced that I am neurotypical.
As my daughter’s brain matures, I suspect there will be a “golden age” of her cognitive abilities until the widening adaptive functioning gap occurs with late aging. Until then, buckle up: your autistic friends and family members will reason you to the ground. It can be exhausting, but it’s also the price for beautiful, sharpened, impenetrable brilliance.
I would love to hear from you, even if, especially if, you disagree. Perhaps we can bring back the American tradition of Ty debate. Please like and share this blog with others. Subscribe to receive it by email and go directly to the Walk the Moon website to peruse the full collection of articles and updates.
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